Attack

So today I was on the phone with medicaid and medicare. The lady lets me get through the entire interview and tells me I don't qualify for any benefits for Gabby. I was kind of taken aback, not that I really expected anything, but I said "Nothing". 
She then comes back with an "Absolutely No No No" (Three no's in a row)

So I asked "What happens if I don't agree with that decision?" and she then tells me its a long process of writing letters of hardship and getting letters from doctors, filing out forms and going in front of a panel. She then finish's off, that not many people are going to go through that hassle of being told no again.

"I laughed a bit and told her, you have no idea who you are dealing with. By the time I am through you are going to say "Yes Yes Yes."

She takes a pause and says, Mrs. Rushing I have never had a more thorough and exhaustingly written application submitted to me. You are persistent to the point of being pushy, I have no doubt the ladder you are going to climb to make sure you get that baby benefits.

I said "Thank You" 

Now I am going to attack the Social Security office, Wish me Luck!!!!

Finding a way

Its taken me about three weeks to process Gabby's diagnoses of autism. I spend majority of the time heartbroken and devastated, more because I did not understand what this meant for her and how we were going to manage. Then I spent a few days being pissed off and stressed and asking God "why us". Finally I crumbled for a few days and hid in the house. Well after almost two weeks of that I finally woke up with a plan of action. So I started researching and reading everything I could find blogs, books, websites, friends and family...seeking advice from everyone who knew anything about autism. Most of it scared me to death and made me doubt any "normal" future was possible for my girl.

Last night during another sleepless night I prayed for so long and so hard that God would lead me in the right direction, because I did not know which way to turn anymore.

This morning I realized that the dreams I had for Gabby's life are gone, she will not live the life I had planned out for her in my dreams. My plan is not the plan that she needs to be following.

All I need to do is drive my SUV, and guide her into therapy's and whatever progress she makes is her own. If she chooses to play sports or be part of any social clubs is her own choice. I just need to make her life as easy as possible. I need to realize that even though her path will be rocky all I have to do is assist her through it..without judgement. Her future is her own and I just have to love her unconditionally and try to help her from here. She has a clean slate in front of her. (I am going to try not to compare her to what other children are doing or measure her by how many milestones their child is hitting before us.)

I am going to let God lead the way for her and where we end up is where he has always wanted her to be. I wonder if it can really be that simple, but that is the answer I heard from God loud and clear this morning.

Not ten minutes after my epiphany, I get a call from one of the best speech therapist (who we wanted to get into but was completely booked with a waiting list) She happened to be part of the panel of therapist and doctors that diagnosed Gabby with ASD. She told me that Gabby has been on her mind for the last few weeks and she has to work with her, she moved several patients around and if we were willing to make the change she would take us as a patient.

Today was the first day I really felt hopeful, assured and peaceful that God will lead the way 

A shoe or two

My child is obsessed with horses. We were getting coffee this morning and we were stopped by a super duper long horse trailer. Gabby rolls down her window and starts trying to get out of her seat. Anyways the rancher opens up the windows, picks her up and lets Gabby pet the horses and then he gives her old horse shoes to take home. She is in heaven this morning and keeps telling me ...I have two horse shoes, TWO!!!

Return Policy

My little chiquita has finally fallen asleep. I know its sounds horrible to look forward to bedtime, but after 8 days of doing it alone & potty training at the same time. Plus another 8 still to go till we see Dad. I took two advil, grabbed a bottle of water and thanked God she is alive and is finally asleep. Now I am going to google and see if I can return condoms & strawberry milk

We could use the lube

I knew I was pushing my luck taking Gabby to United at 6:00 on a Saturday. We have been in the pool all day and she was rubbing those eyes, but we had to go.

She does pretty good until she decides she needs to get into the big part of the grocery cart and act like a horse. She snapped and "Eeeed" at the other customers, but I just smiled and we had a good group that played along with her. I am working my butt off pulling her and rushing through the store.
We finally get to check out and she is having a fit, because the checkout guy is apparently too close to her cart. I go over and stand next to her and distract her. The guy swipes my card for me and we are out of there. I am patting myself on the back at how swift and efficient I am.

I get home and I am unloading our cart and I start to see stuff that we NEVER buy, pretty soon I have almost 7 things that do not belong to us. I look at the receipt and realize, while I was sticking to the list, Gabby was not. I throw in sugarless cookies and she added Nestle Quick Strawberry, Muscle Milk Strawberry. Last but not least, while I was buying toothpaste...Gabby bought a 17 dollar box of condoms and a 10 dollar bottle of lube :)

I know so

Morning Mom

I walked into the kitchen from having a cup of coffee. Gabby stood naked on the counter with this mess and said "Hello Good Morning Mom".......yes this is syrup. Happy Day to you too 

Sheesh

Well its day four of potty training and I just went to make us lunch and realized I missed not one buy two therapy sessions for Gabby. With the black eye last night and the strict schedule, I completely forgot our normal routine. I guess I need to grovel at the secretary at the turn center in a few seconds. Four days in and we finally had one victory. The doctors warned me about training an autistic baby to use the bathroom was going to be challenging, but sheesh!

Mortified!!!

Gabby and I always are in the back yard in the morning. She plays and I swing and drink my coffee. Then she started doing crazy stuff on the patio furniture and I came out to get her down. 
We argue for a few minutes and then I wrestler her to the ground. I have to hold her down for a few minutes to reason with her. I finally stand up from squatting in my nightgown and look straight into the eyes of the roofers directly behind us. They were sitting down drinking coffee getting ready to start. All three of them wave, smile and say "Good Morning". 
I tell them I am accepting tips for the show I just gave them.
They laugh and say "It would have been rude to interrupt"
Mortified!!!

Diagnosis

Almost from the first week we brought Gabby home, I knew something was different with my baby. She would cry for two to four hours straight at night, almost every night. I would nurse, rock, walk and bounce her till she passed out. The doctors had no clue. We did all the tests and we were labeled a difficult baby.

By two she was hardly talking, but physically she was kicking all of our butts, as she grew stronger, it was harder and harder to control her tantrums and fits. We gave up going out to eat and soon we stayed close to home or parks unless we had two people.

By three we were in speech and occupational therapy and we had a few improvements, but she grew taller and weighs 40 pounds. We had more people than I can count tell me I needed to discipline my child or spank her, but I knew that just made the tantrums worse. We had to bear hug her and pat her back till she would calm down, and then it was like nothing happened. For the last two years I have been the lady in Walmart holding down my girl while people walk by and see a 3 year old taking a tantrum.

Last week after running a bunch of tests Gabby was diagnosed with Autism. We are both relieved and devastated with the news. I know God has a plan for our life and Gabby's as well. So for now we are going to be faithful and trust in him to lead us through the next chapter with our little girl. Prayers are welcome and appreciated