Another Close Call

I was off today from work and Gabby went to school. Allen had appointments so we both ended up home most of the day. I cleaned and then he went and picked up Gabby from school. When she got home I told Allen I was going to take a shower and a nap before dinner. Well Allen took Gabby outside to play with the neighbor kids who were on skates. Gabby asked if she could run with our neighbors daughter on skates down the side walk. So off they went, and a few minutes later the little girl was back and Allen asked her, "Where is a Gabby?" And she just shrugged.

Allen took off running and he got to the end of the street, faced with 7 different ways she could possibly have ran and did not see her anywhere. He kept running and found a kid playing basketball that pointed Allen into a col-de-sac where he found a lost Gabby tiring to cut through a back yard to get back home.

They got home and an hour later Allen told me what happened. The fear and adrenalin running through Allen an hour later is palpable. This has not happened to Allen in a long time. I know exactly how he feels and I only know one way to prevent it and it's a service dog. One of the worst feelings a parent can feel is when they cannot find their child. It is a scare I know and it takes me days to recover from it, and it is only a scare. I cannot imagine one day, it not only being a scare but a reality.

So your going to see a bunch more ads about us renewing our effort for a service dog. Bear with us, it really is our only option.

Hours Later....

Hours later after our big scare; I have watched Allen hold, cuddle, and kiss on Gabby non stop. I hate that he had such a rough time today with her. She has no idea what she puts us through, and I know she cannot help it. I keep making eye contact with him and I realize he is trying yo get past what happened today.

I read another article about the divorce rate is something like 80% for parents with a special needs child. This quote was with it...

"It is a curious thing in human experience, but to live through a period of stress and sorrow with another person, creates a bond which nothing seems able to break." - Eleanor Roosevelt

I can't imagine having to go through all this with anyone else but Allen. Gods plan is revealed to me daily and I am always shocked and forever grateful.

Finding our way...

After three weeks of me working and Gabby in school, I think we have finally hit the sweet spot. I have been struggling to get organized, food made, lunches packed, laundry done and house cleaned. All the extra appointments and school visits seem finally done.

Today I had a day off and I was able to get Gabby off to school and have a guilt free day to clean my house. Just having a child get out of the car to go anywhere with a smile on her face is the best peace of mind a mother can have. The fact the we live in one of three locations that has an Autistic school where she gets therapy during her day and is around children that are like her, with a Christian education is such a blessing.

My child with my constant care and supervision was only mildly content, and I was struggling. To see her now with all her pieces of her puzzle fulfilled and my new freedom and happiness is such a blessing,

I spend my day in constant prayer. No matter weather I am in the car, blow drying my hair...just any free moment praying. Those prayers used to consist mostly of please God get us through. Now they are mostly Thank You God for peace and direction. I did not realize how many of my prayers were a constant linty of please guide us to the right place. I am humbled by this perfect path he had laid out for us. Humbled humbled humbled.

I am constantly reminded of this verse...
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Dear John....

Since Gabby has started STS we are transferring all our therapy from The Turn Center where we have been for two years. Writing my Dear John letters to her therapist was brutal. Especially to our Occupation Therapist that has rocked our world upside down. She has stuck by us for two solid years and has never given up on Gabby. She has pushed her and fought hard to keep her taking healthy strides forward. My Dear Shonda letter took everything out of me and left me in tears. I swear it does not matter what you do in this life, but if you do it well and with your whole heart; people notice and appreciate it more than you will ever know. This tall drink of water from the middle of nowhere Amarillo changed our life. We are forever grateful for her.

Ritalin is a dud for us

Gabby started Ritalin three days ago. She has been calm and compulsive at times. Today she won't eat but I gave her the medicine and took her to target. She started piling huge amounts of items in the cart. I started to realize we were having a problem quickly. We bought her a few thing than came home. Quickly she started to grind and crack her jaw very loud, her mouth was moving constantly and her eyes were almost black because her pupils were almost dilated. I start to look at side effects and what makes up the drugs ingredients....amphetamines similar drug effects of cocaine. We'll after calling my mother,cousin and doctors Gabby is experiencing a reaction to the medicine. So today we have a little girl who is having the same effects as some on cocaine. She screamed for her mother as I was wrapped tightly around her. She started making piles of certain items saying she was organizing. When Allen and started to lean up after her, she said we were ruining her organization. We stopped cleaning and have tried to keep her safe all day. She has destroyed my house. I took a nap because I realize indeed to stay up late tonight and put things back together. While I was a sleep she got in her mind, Mommy was asleep because I was having a baby. So while I was sleeping she has packed a hospital bag, blankets, pillows, set up a nursery, changing station. Then woke me up with an elaborate story this tweeted to go to the doctors office to pick up her sister. I come out and Allen has big eyes that are saying 'just go with it'. So we have fake called the hospital every 10 minutes to check on sister. I have a feeling that if she knew the truth she would be devastated in her current mental state. Allen told her there was no baby at first and she screamed that her sister has died. So he made the choice to play along. Oh My Lord we cannot get this stuff out of her system fast enough.

Out of the house and not going back :)

This week has been full of a bunch of firsts for us. First big change was I was offered a job by some pretty fantastic people. The offered me a good salary to be able to only work 16 hours a week. Four days a week 9-1. I get a nice office in a beautiful mansion to do the book keeping for six business. I work for a strong generous Christian man that was able to give me so much flexibility and encouraged me, that if I took the job he wanted me to know that family comes first and they would be able to provide me with endless time off to care for my girl.

Next, Gabby started STS school this week. It is a small private school for special needs children. She gets her therapy along with a specialized education that is catered just her. She can move as fast or slow as she is able. Her class has three girls and a boy with two teachers, plus a gym teacher. She is around four little Autistic individuals; her and another girl are the only two verbal ones in the class. Her first day a Gabby immediately connected to all her classmates. Her teacher commented she was very motherly to all the students and she was a born leader. She even set everyone up for nap time and the snuggled together like bugs in a rug.

So I am able to drop Gabby off in the mornings and head to work for a couple hours and then go get my girl. I have the option of leaving her till three, but I was a wussy all week and picked her up early. The next day her and Allen both were sick and headed to the doctor. They both had strep, but kept each other company staying home sick together.

Thursday we all went to Lubbock for Gabby pediatric neurologist. She weighs 65 pounds and is 3 feet and 10 inches with a BMI of 21 all at the age of four. She looked at Allen and said, she is built like you...big and tall. He loves that comment. They started her on Ritalin this morning. My child was a new baby today. Gentle, sweet, calm and talkative. She said things like a Righty tighty, lefty loosely while Turing on on the water to the sink.

After this amazing first week of work and Gabby at school I can see Gods hand In all the opportunities he is providing for our family. I am truly grateful for some adult time out of the house. Five years staying home was enough. I am out of the house and into the work force and I am not going back smile emoticon