My new neighbor Ashly is an amazing woman, different than me but the moment I met her I felt warm feelings towards her. She is a very real person, down to earth, God-fearing sweet woman. The moment I met her I felt like I knew her, our conversations were effortless and I loved how at ease I was with her. Since she moved in, across the street one month ago we usually spent a few hours talking a week and she has fit into our lives perfectly. She is a friend that I did not realize I was desperately in need of. She accepts my special needs child without question, and instructs her children that are a bit older than Gabby, to play nicely with her.
So last night her door was open, which in Amarillo means you are willing to accept visitors. Yes, very old fashioned, but thats what it means. Gabby and I went over to her house and I brought a hot cup of tea. We settled at the kitchen table and chatted while all the kids piled up on the couch and watched a movie. After the movie was over the kids got a bit wilder and I looked over to Gabby who has mounted her oldest child and scratched him in the face. A small little sliver of a cut appeared right next to his eye. I told Gabby it was time we got going and that she needed to get up and apologize to Trent.
Of course this causes her to have a major melt down. A part of me really believes that Gabby is trying to have fun and play the only way she knows how to. Then I come along, getting on to her because she was too rough. I believe she feels that I nit pick her to death about her social fumbles. Being a mother of a special needs child is like walking a tight rope at time. You want her to have a great time, but ultimately she always, without fail...messes up. She either plays too rough, pushes, breaks something or says a mean comment. I cannot ignore these despite my feelings of understanding that she is trying her best. I must correct her and have her apologize, but I know I am always letting her down in a way. I am telling her that no matter how hard she is trying, she just is not doing it correctly. My child is always apologizing and I hate that for her, but I cannot let her keep up with bad behaviors without correcting them. Its not okay to scratch a child or say mean things.
As I pick Gabby up she is crying hysterically. She ended up loosing her bladder and peeing on me and the wood flooring in Ashly's hallways. We apologize and she already has a towel willing to throw down. I take my extremely upset child across the street and back to the safety of our home. I get her bathed and in bed quickly. As I am rubbing her hiccuping back as she sucks down a sippy cup of milk I keep telling her "I know you are trying your best, and up until you scratched Trent you were wonderful." She finally finishes her milk and she is quite for a few minutes. She finally whispers "I am trying so hard, and I don't do it right." She starts to whimper and cry and my heart breaks. I know she is.
Life should not have to be so hard for my girl. It just shouldn't; an adult would have a hard time dealing with the social anxieties and difficulties that my child has, and she is only four. I realized that I don't always get it right as a mother. I should praise her much more than I correct her. Oblivious she does not hear me enough if she is depressed at the end of the night and is feeling she does not get it right ever. Today I am vowing to try harder with my praise, build up this little soul so she might have a better understanding of how amazing she really is.
As I wake up this morning my thoughts are on last nights conversation. I took a good look at my child and she is smiling and bouncing to Curious George on television. I realize that most days she wakes up like this - happy. I don't always get it right, but everyday is an opportunity to try a little harder and nurture this sweet soul. Hopefully tonight she will fall asleep feeling good about herself; that's my goal today :)
No comments:
Post a Comment