Practice Makes Perfect!

The other day we had a few girls from the neighborhood over. I was sitting having a cup of coffee and talking to my best friend that happened to be the mother of one of the girls. I hear another little girl ask my best friends child, “What is wrong with Gabby?”

This is a moment that usually causes me to cringe, because even though the girls are just playing in my living room with toys and watching a Disney movie on TV, she has already figured out that my daughter is different. In spite of not having any meltdowns or tantrums, this new child has caught on to my daughter’s disability.

I hold my breath and wait to hear her response, she smiles to the other little girl and says, “Well Gabby has Autism and that’s what makes her special. She lives in a world that is different than ours…kind of like her brain does not work the same way.”

The other little girl says, “Is that why she is weird?”

 My best friends daughter laughs and says, “She is not weird, she just likes to play ‘make believe’ a lot and she really likes horses. You just have to play the things she wants to play, and if she gets rough you have to tell her mom. She doesn’t like scary movies and she cries a lot some days, but her mom is the only mom in the neighborhood that will let everyone come inside and she always serves snacks and drinks. Just give her some time and you will see the real her.”

Their conversation only last a minute, but what I learned in that minute is other children can accept my child, but they will not be fooled. They know pretty soon after meeting Gabby that she is unique. I have never been secretive about Gabby’s disabilities. I often speak about the challenges and triumphs of our little girl to others.

The truth is my child stands out from the bunch, she probably always will, but listening to this little girl’s definition of Autism, and then having them play with Gabby lets me know they will continue to spread awareness. When they run into another boy or girl in school they will understand a little better what Autism is. It’s not something to be scared of. Autistic does not mean they can’t be friends. It just mean they are unique individuals that want to play just like every other child. They just need a little patience and understanding and in time they will show you how amazing they really are.

This little girl took the facts a friend shared with her and played for the rest of the afternoon with my little girl. She ended up having a great time playing horses with my child and a few friends. Not all days go like this, some days my child is so upset with the other little girls, we have to close our door and send everyone home. But today we made a new friend and the girls got to play inside on a cold day, watching movies and playing with toy horses. My child got to experience normal play with a group of girls, and that is always my goal.  Despite Gabby being different, I am firmly committed to her being part of our community. I drag her to Sunday school and even though she does not make it in the class very long. Other children are exposed to her for a short while and that’s important for her and them. 1 and 68 children are affected with Autism today, my child may be the first Autistic child these kindergarteners get to know, but she wont be the last.

When dark clouds appear above my head and life with a special needs child gets me down, I force myself to push away the darkness and live in the light. I remember we need to go, not for Gabby or I, but for all the other little children struggling with Autism. I hear much too often Autistic mothers saying, “Its not worth the hassle to take her to the fair.” I would agree with them on that statement; it would be easier to keep the doors closed and let Gabby play by herself. That is where she is most comfortable and no outside influences will push her outside of her comfort zone, but if any child needs to be pushed, its an Autistic child. I cannot keep her in a perfect bubble or world for long. As much as I would like to keep my child safe and have no one question her or make fun of her, that is not reality.  So I push her to events in our community, church and school not because my child enjoys those events so much, but we are going for the Autistic children coming after us.  Just like the parents before us that pushed their children into our communities, so that she might have an easier chance in the future.

We have to keep going, pushing and being seen. We have to keep having conversations with strangers and our children’s friends about Autism. Putting her out in the world, making her uncomfortable is the only way I can see to make social interaction easier for her and others around her. Practice makes perfect!  So practice we shall.